Image by Steve Kay via Flickr
My sore eye turned out to be gastro. I know that seems like a crazy leap of logic, but hey I was the one heaving my guts all day so I get to make unsubstantiated claims if I want to.
It was typical garden-variety gastro. You know the one where you feel a bit weird at 6am in the morning and you wonder if maybe you’re pregnant (!!!), even though it’s way too early to tell, so you decide to drink a big glass of water, becuase everyone knows water makes everything better…only to find that not long afterwards, the spew bowl you’re clutching is your new best friend. And then, not long after that, you’re puking gross greenish black stuff and you think “Far out- I’m dying!” because you’ve never ever seen that colour stuff come out of a human mouth before. Surely this is not normal! My body shouldn’t have stuff that colour in it!
So, Doctor Google is summoned and is reassuring that this greenish black stuff is actually just bile. Phew- you are not dying. In any case, the husband and son are dispatched to the chemist pronto, as even though you’re not exactly dying, you could almost be half-way there and some pain relief would be nice.
They return with suppositories, which you’ve never used before, but now seems about a good time to try. Spew buckets are in frequent rotation- a used one for a clean one- and thankfully the husband takes them away efficiently. At one point, you realise that the container you just filled is actually one that you borrowed from the toy library. Oops.
The day continues in a blur and finally you start to feel a little better and can take a few sips of Hydralite. And then you feel brave enough to have some jelly beans, taking care to avoid the green and black ones of course. You are grateful for feeling more human, but you can’t help but think that the little jelly bean of potential life that could have been in you this morning by now must have been vomited up along with everything else.
So yes, just your normal run-of-the-mill gastro. Complete with illogical ramblings and all…
Tags: Health
