Random Reflections

Today I’ve learnt a rather interesting lesson.  There is someone who I don’t really get on that well with.  I have been nice to this person & tried to develop a friendship.  However, I receive bad vibes from this person & I think she has been talking about me.  Now, what’s actually interesting is that I’ve been telling this person how much I value them & their work.  This is true (I have learnt from them), but what’s more interesting is that I’ve been paying her compliments with the unrequited hope that she will give me one back!  So, I suppose these compliments are not real ones, are they?  Are they fake compliments?  I’m really not sure.  After closer inspection, I’ve realised that I desperately wanted this person’s approval (WHY????) & when I didn’t receive it, I started feeling very depressed.  Just ask Paul who has had to buy me Thai take-away for dinner & pour me a Bacardi & coke……..

Anyway, I’m rambling & none of this is probably making any sense.

The short of it is this……..the only approval/ validation I need is my own.  So what if I don’t “click” with this person.  I want to get to the point where I don’t really mind what they think of me (& after these types of reflections, I think I am at that point).  I have learnt some good things from this person & I appreciate that.  Thankfully, now it is time to move on.

Heat wave

It’s been very hot in Adelaide.  Today actually feels cooler, but it’s still 40 degrees!!!!!

The heatwave has actually made me feel a little stressed.  What if this is what summer is going to be like from now on- constantly getting hotter & hotter for longer & longer periods of time?  I feel overwhelmed by global warming.  The temperature is increasing so what do we do…….we use more energy to try to keep ourselves cool!  Almost everyone has airconditioning here & because everyone is using it 24 hours a day, there are power shortages.  To try to make it fair, they have rolling stoppages for each area.  So far, we’ve only lost power for 45 minutes, so I think we’ve been lucky.

Everyone’s grumpy & bad-tempered & complaining.  Elderly people have died.  Children can’t sleep at night.  Trees are distressed.  Animals are suffering.

I wish there were some solutions!  I am going to look into solar power panels for our roof.  At least then I might not feel so guilty about using so much energy on airconditioning.

When I first moved to Adelaide, I remember some of the hottest days I’d ever experienced up until that time.  I couldn’t believe that it could be so hot & dry.  It was so different to the humidity that I was used to that it made me feel sick.  But even though it was hot, it would generally only be for one or two days at a time, then a cool change would come through.

Last summer was pretty hot.  I remember being pregnant with this huge belly & Paul was renovating the bathroom so we had no shower- I’d just lay in the (portable) spa in our driveway like a whale.  And then when Ash was a few weeks old, there was a terrible heatwave that lasted 2 weeks with temperatures over 40 degrees every day.  It’s a bit of a blur to me because I was suffering the shock of having an unsettled baby (I’m sure the heat didn’t help in that regard!), baby blues & sleep deprivation for the first time in my life.  

It was an unexpected thing to happen in March & maybe we thought it was some kind of freak occurrence.  Unfortunately, it feels like heatwaves are maybe something we need to get used to.  This heatwave has involved the third hottest day on record- 46 degrees.  It shows no real signs of getting better anytime soon either- they expect another week of high temperatures.

Anyway, I don’t want to be all “woe is me”, “the world is coming to an end”.  I’m sure good memories come out of these times too.  For instance, last night, instead of Ash having a bath, all three of us jumped into our clam shell wading pool on our deck, splashing each other, enjoying white wine spritzers.  Obviously Ash didn’t partake in the latter, but he did have a great time…

Skin

One of my biggest aims/ hopes is that as I grow older, I can become more & more comfortable in my own skin.

It’s a big challenge for many people- I’m sure I’m no different from other men & women who are trying to become the best they can be.

I’ve definitely made some progress in this area, especially since Ash was born.  In fact, becoming a mother has provided me with the very best reason to try to grow.  But I still have times where I feel inadequate.  Where everyone else’s life seems so much more exciting.  Where I compare myself to others for whom life seems to flow so easily.  Success and prosperity miraculously appear for them, whereas I feel like I struggle.  I feel jealous & even a bit bitter.

I’m trying to overcome these feelings today.  

To be comfortable in my own skin I need to accept that comparing myself to others is useless.  Feelings of jealousy are not beneficial to me- in fact, they only serve to block the goodness that wants to come into my life.  

I can never really know what it is to be someone else & even if I got the chance, I would probably wish I could go back to being me.  (Better the devil you know & all that!)

This is probably a very boring post so I apologise for that, but hey, this is me, so like it or lump it!

The art of clumsiness

I have perfected the art of clumsiness.  Some would argue it’s not an art but I disagree- it’s not every woman who can manage to cut 4 different fingers 6 times on 4 separate occasions over the past 3 days.  There was blood.  But don’t worry- not much!  The blame lies squarely upon operating in an untidy kitchen, buying lovely brand new SHARP knives, & a new appliance, which has fast become my best friend.

How on earth did I ever live without a food processor before?????????  I am in love with my Breville Ikon food processor.  I have been cooking non stop ever since we got it & I’m happy to say that all dishes have been successful- which is a real surprise as I’m generally not much use in the kitchen.

Part of the reason for all the cooking is that Paul & I are currently on a food intolerance challenge (www.fedup.com.au).  I’m in shock that I convinced Paul to do it with me.  What the challenge means is that you eliminate the major food intolerance culprits (preservatives, artificial flavours, colours, salycilates (a natural chemical found in nearly all fruits & some vegetables) & amines (a natural chemical found in meat, fish, some fruits & cheeses) for a short period of time….then you reintroduce them to see if you get a reaction.  It will be interesting to see what happens!  It’s a real challenge in the beginning though as the only fruit you are allowed to eat is pears, & most vegetables are also banned.  We’ve been dosing up on potatoes, swedes, leeks, shallots, celery, sprouts, lentils & beans.  But all the good stuff like corn & pumpkin are not allowed until later.

What made me think about doing this was that it was a real shock to discover the amount of chemicals that we were consuming.  Anyway, it’s worth a try & I’m thrilled that Paul is in on it with me : )

Question of the Day

When???????????????????????????????
That is the burning question.
If anyone knows the answer to this question, please can you let me know asap.
Thank you.

One of those days…

I’m sorry I’m so grumpy today- it’s just that life seems to move so fast & it feels like we never get the chance to connect.  Well, of course the opportunities are there, it’s mainly that I feel like our world is out of control- the house is always a mess, there is always so much washing & folding to do, & cooking & cleaning, not to mention the garden & then there’s the neverending cycle of study study study, work work work.  I am sick of our house looking like a complete bombsite- I hate the fact that from the outside of our house, it would seem that we are a derelict family of bogans who only have a quarter of a brain between us.  We are stylish, educated people & I wish our house reflected that better.  But of course to achieve that, we need time & energy- both sorely lacking in our hectic life.  Then, there’s the issue of money!

I’m sorry to complain so much- I know that chaos is a fact of modern life, especially more so now that we are parents!  I’m slowly learning to live with life’s imperfections- to be patient and grateful for all the things that we do have.  It’s just one of those days where I am finding it challenging to let all of the very many imperfections wash over me!

Jelly Belly meets Muffin Top

Well, I went to the gym today to get my personalised program & the goal that I am working for is tight abs. Now, when I lamented to my trainer that they will probably never ever be what they were before, he replied “Never fear. You can make them even better! They will look fabulous. Until you bend over… “
Ha ha ha
So it seems that I can achieve tight abs…but only underneath all that stretchy skin.
Not really sure there is much point, is there!!!!????
Oh well! Having my sweetheart baby boy is worth it.

…ponderings…

I’ve been thinking a lot about my post of the other day & I have found it very painful to go back & read what I wrote. I know that sleep deprivation & exhaustion are both used as forms of torture- & for a good reason- it breaks you down. It’s just that usually when you feel so broken, you don’t write about it! Inevitably, the feeling passes & you get on with life, feeling better & more together. You don’t really want reminders of how unhinged & close to crazy you were. I’ve thought about deleting that post, but then again- I was the one who went on about being honest!!!
So I will keep it there but hopefully there will be no more outbursts of drama & despair.